Intentional Love

I was up at the hospital to visit my grandma again today, inspite of the smells sights and sounds that repulse me. It was a step of intentional love. After all it was grandma who was there for me when I was a new born and she applauded my first steps! She applauded for me at my recitals, was cheering for me each new birth f my own four kids and busy was knitting and crocheting for each baby that I had. She pressed a silver dollar into each grand babies hand. And yes she was there when my kids grew up and had their own. Always placing a box of chocolate rasisns in there little fists as their eyes danced and one of their first words was "gama". Precious years gone by and now my kids have kids and grandma is starting her journey to her final resting place. I want to be there for her. I want to be in the wings cheering her on. I enjoyed applauding for her tonight. When groaned about how I messed up the knitting project as she patiently showed me how to cast off, she looked at me side ways and said "A blind man would love to see this". We laughed. It was important for her to have a little bag taped to her tray to drop her garbage in, she so appreciated me getting one for her. She thanked me several times for coming to visit her and said she wished the family would come. I reminded her "I am family" and she said yeah but I mean the real family like Rita. Sigh. Everyday she says that to me. We repeat a lot of the same things. She struggles to remember what she can and tests me as she wants to be sure she is not losing more. "If I had my books and pictures around me I could do better" she would say and then reach for a family photo and begin saying each childs name. She loves to practice that each day. And I applaude. When its time to leave I ask if we can pray and then I recite the Lords Prayer, and each and ever time after I do she thanks me and then says "I don't say fancy long prayers like that I just say the one my mother taught me and she recites it for me in German and translates it in Engish. Forteen angels at my bed, two at my feet, two at my head two to wake me when I sleep and two to cover me with their wings and two to lead me home...something like that. And we say goodnight two or three times and I leave as she says I am very lucky to have these people to take care of me.. And I am very thankful you came to visti...now who are you again?
And I smile and we hug and kiss and I think I am so lucky to have the privilege of applauding my grandma. Because it is me ho is most bless of all when I visit her. And I will continue as much as I possibly can, not out of duty or respect, though they are important too, but our of pure joy. It was a delight to be with her and I left feeling so blessed. Yup its me who leaves so grateful ad so blessed! And all of heaven applauds because...love should be, can be, no it must be intentional.#end